Memories Of My Dad

When I look around the blogosphere I see so many beautiful memories of my father. I've been spending all day reading what he meant to people, the ways in which he inspired them to learn about science and critical thinking, or compelled them to go on a voyage of discovery about the universe. It's deeply moving, and I'll forever be grateful. For my blog entry, I won't tell you about his many scientific achievements or about all the good he did for this world--there are others who are blogging about this far more eloquently than I ever could. Instead, I'm going to share dad memories with you. He was many things to many people, but he was my dad and I want you to know the man I knew.

He had a knack for pinball, knowing just how hard to bump a machine without tilting it. We'd go to arcades together and he'd win bonus games like mad. Videogames were never his thing, though he could appreciate the better ones. I remember the day I showed him Computer Baseball, a strategy game for the Apple IIe. You could pit some of the greatest teams in MLB history against each other. We played Babe Ruth's 1927 Yankees against Jackie Robinson's 1955 Dodgers for about an hour, and then he turned to me and said, "Never show this to me again. I like it too much, and I don't want to lose time."

Often he'd be invited to speak at an event, and I remember sitting with him, watching him gather his thoughts in the quiet moments before he'd take the stage. He'd make tiny notes on an index card. Just a word or two about each point he wanted to make. And armed with these notes, he'd go up and captivate the audience. Never a boring moment, never a time when he'd lose his place or go off track. As a child I'd sometimes think of him as a translator or a code breaker. How else could he turn those mere fragments into such amazing and inspiring ideas?

He was never without a dictaphone. Vividly, I remember those small black tape recorders with their bright red record buttons. We could be walking or talking and an interesting thought would come to him. He'd excuse himself, hold up an index finger to say he'd be just a minute, reach for the dictaphone, and then lay out his idea. Now I'm a writer and I use dictaphones, too. When I use them, my words usually come together like this: "Okay, for the book, I think it might be really cool if so-and-so does this instead of that..." And later on I'll work that idea into what I'm writing. By contrast, I remember my dad would speak in long, flowing, perfect paragraphs. He'd say it just right and it would go straight into the book. Sometimes he'd have a thought, speak a paragraph or two for one book, and this would in turn inspire a thought for a separate project, so he'd reach for another dictaphone, and so on. He always knew how to make the most out of the times inspiration would strike.

You probably already know this, but he was fantastic in a debate. He could take William F. Buckley's arguments apart, and as a kid I quickly found that my "Why you should buy me a cool dirt bike" arguments weren't nearly as good as Buckley's. But he always listened. He always gave me credit for making valid points. And eventually I did find myself biking around Ithaca.

He was deeply supportive of me. Even in the times where I worried him--dropping out of high school, for example--his belief in me never wavered. I remember him looking out for me. At the same time, he was adamant about not helping me too much. He didn't want to spoil me, and he wanted to make sure I could achieve my goals on my own without even a hint of nepotism. When I look back, I have tremendous respect for how he did this.

He had a genuine interest in people. I hear many conversations today where someone asks about another person, but it's just a courtesy--they're not really interested in the answer. This was never my father. He was always curious to know what things were like for his fellow man. In Manhattan, we could get into a cab, and maybe the driver would recognize him and maybe not, but my dad would start up a conversation and they'd get into really interesting discussions about the course of human events. The driver could hail from anywhere in the world, and Dad would know a lot about what was happening there. I remember thinking he knew more about Ghana than most Americans knew about America. And what he didn't know he wanted to find out.

I remember arguing with him about The Simpsons and Beavis and Butthead. Both shows made a bad first impression on him. I persuaded him to give The Simpsons another chance, and he eventually saw what all the fuss was about. He grew to genuinely enjoy the show. I don't think I ever won him over on Beavis and Butthead though. "They're not meant to be role models," I remember protesting. "It's a subversive critique." Nope, not his cup of tea. I can only guess what he'd have made of Family Guy or South Park. We also went back and forth on violence in the media. I argued that edgy films and TV shows were just a reflection of our society, and were not contributing to real life violence. He wasn't so sure. We went round and round on this many times. A really good, spirited disagreement, where each of our positions would evolve from what the other would say. I miss those times. Now that I think about it, that's part of the reason why I enjoyed the IS ART THE INSPIRATION FOR MADNESS? panel back at Worldcon so much--exploring those same questions with Joe Haldeman and Tim Powers stirred up great memories of my dad.

He had incredible patience. His fans would constantly come up to him to ask him questions, to ask for an autograph, or to ask to take a picture with him. Sometimes this would happen at an inopportune time--if we were out to dinner, enjoying a conversation, for example--but I don't remember him ever treating anyone disrespectfully. As a small child, he had such passion for science--he wanted to know why things were the way they were--and he held on to that passion his entire life. This made him deeply sympathetic to anyone interested in learning. They were kindred spirits, and he wanted to share all the joys and wonders of the cosmos he'd come to understand.

We loved basketball. We'd watch NBA games whenever possible, wondering if this would be the year Patrick Ewing would lead the Knicks to the championship. And always the answer would be no. He'd point out the coaches and tell me what they were like as players back in the years before I was born. When a visiting player went up to take a foul shot, the home team fans would make noise and wave towels trying to distract him, and dad never liked that. I remember saying it gives teams an incentive to win home court advantage, but he objected on principle--he didn't think it was sporting. There's something so decent about that. And I remember my mother getting increasingly upset because she wanted me to go to bed, but dad and I were watching a game and he'd promised I could stay up until the end. Overtime. Then double overtime. Then triple overtime. Man, what a game. (Game 5, Celtics-Suns, 1976 NBA Finals.)

He did not like the movie Aliens. I thought it was fun, scary, cathartic; he thought it was needlessly violent and why must extraterrestrials be portrayed in such a negative light? He had mixed feelings about Star Wars. I remember watching it with him, and when we reached the part where Han Solo brags that the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run in "less than twelve parsecs," he made an exasperated sound. I asked him what was wrong, and he explained that a parsec is a unit of distance, not time. I said, "Dad, it's just a movie." He said, "Yes, but they can afford to get the science right." And I thought, yes. He's absolutely right. (What movies did he like? He was a big fan of David Lean epics like "Dr. Zhivago" and, especially, "Lawrence of Arabia." I remember how he loved that transition where Peter O'Toole blows out the match and we cut quite suddenly to the Nafud desert. It's such a powerful moment.)

He'd make very interesting noises. His laugh was explosive and uninhibited. It was the kind of laugh that made you feel good for making him laugh. His sneezes were booming. And sometimes he'd talk to animals in their native tongue. The times we'd see dolphins, he'd greet them in a reasonable approximation of dolphin speak. They'd often answer him. I have no idea what was said. But my favorite sound of his was the sound he'd make upon discovering something interesting and new, some idea or possibility that impressed him or opened up a fresh way of looking at things. It was a kind of "aaah." One of my proudest moments: We were watching my first Star Trek episode, "Attached," and within minutes he'd made the sound, turning to me with a beaming smile and saying, "That's really good." And this continued for the entire show. The completeness of how much he loved what I'd done, that genuine sense of enjoyment stays with me, a sense of respect and approval I treasure like nothing else.

He drove an orange Porsche 914 with the license plate, "PHOBOS." Named after one of the moons of Mars. I never asked him, "Why Phobos? Why not the other moon, Deimos?" though I wish I had. As a child I was fascinated by Greek mythology and knew Phobos as a demigod of fear. It's ironic because my father was the least fearful person I've ever known. Though he worried about the state of the world from time to time, it never stopped him. And when we'd talk about what things might be like in twenty-five, fifty or a hundred years, he said he knew there would be difficult challenges ahead, but he believed we were up to the task. He believed in human ingenuity and compassion, in thinking long-term instead of short, in putting our many differences and superstitions aside. He believed in a better tomorrow. He believed in us.

Comments

[Juvenal Gordon]

A new year of commemoration of his father CARL SAGAN, do not forget, as long as we remember. Today Tribute to the radio 97.7 FM station Pereira (Colombia), in the Twenty-First Century Explorations program with audio in Spanish greetings of the voyager, the sounds of the earth and music (27 Tracks) Originals.
Http://www.pereiraculturayturismo.gov.com
Http://www.jgb-hificosmos.blogspot.com

A Hug, NICK.

[Juvenal Gordon]

A new year of commemoration of his father CARL SAGAN, do not forget, as long as we remember. Today Tribute to the radio 97.7 FM station Pereira (Colombia), in the Twenty-First Century Explorations program with audio in Spanish greetings of the voyager, the sounds of the earth and music (27 Tracks) Originals.
Http://www.pereiraculturayturismo.gov.com
Http://www.jgb-hificosmos.blogspot.com

A Hug, NICK.

Atte : Juvenal Gordon Buritica.
Chemistry & Comunicator Science

[TPO]

Pale Blue Dot and The Demon-Haunted World changed my life for the better and hopefully those works and others will do the same for people who have not had the pleasure of reading them already. I often debate with Buddhist Atheists who claim we should all adopt Buddhism and encourage others to do so because it fills a void for those of us who have lost our religious beliefs. I think they are wrong and your father taught me that I do not need a religion to find meaning in life and the universe.

I'm also a big fan of your fiction but I haven’t had the opportunity to see your work with the Star Trek Series. As of now, the show is on my list of shows I must watch.

Thank you for sharing these personal memories.

Peace, love and all that other good stuff...

TPO

[Brian Barrish]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Nick.

So much of the wonder I feel toward the universe today can be directly attributed to growing up watching your father. In many ways, he is a sort of father to so many of us.

He is undoubtedly very much a part of who I am today.

[Michael R.]

Thanks so much for sharing this side of your father none of us got to know. Sounds like a model parent who we should all aspire to emulate. It's a shame he never had his cartoon likeness and voice on The Simpsons, as with other great scientific minds like Stephen Hawking and Stephen Jay Gould. Though Family Guy did do a bit that at least used your father's likeness where it depicted an evangelical-censored TV broadcast of him talking about the cosmos. I think a voice dubs over him that the universe is 6000 years old and other Creationist nonsense--funny stuff. Anyway, thanks again.

[Kevin Handy]

I lost both my parents some time ago. So I know what loss is. Your father inspired me not once but many times and when I first saw Cosmos I thought I had seen the greatest program on science ever written. So eloquent. I'm watching it as I write this and find it incredible that it was so far reaching. I think your own work is the fusion between your mother and father. Not many of us can live up to two people who have had such an influence on the world - each parent in different worlds. Somehow you have made both your parents proud and I am certain you will continue to do so for many, many years to come. I would encourage you to write a highly interactive book about your dad because I do not think that anyone could write such a work as well as you could. I think something that talks about both fact and fiction since your dad's passing from your perspective would be so interesting. Your blog is such a celebration sorry I missed its original incarnation.

[martha lotfe]

Thanks Nick for sharing those memories with your father. I'm from Mèxico and one of my treasure in my "¿side bed table?" is the last Dr. Sagan`s book Billions of Billions. His body has left us, but his escence, his feeling and his love is in every line of his books. How look you are to have him near to you.

With love an respect

Martha L.
P.S. Are your books translated to spanish?

[chrissy]

great stuff nick. thank you so much for sharing this. you've given more depth to my knowledge of my hero, your dad. he was an incredible man.

[Juvenal Gordon]

THE CONNECTION COSMICA.
When Carl us by the gift of magic and charm in science, the universe and humankind. It has left us a legacy to continue forever with our children, students and adults who are delighted with the existence of their ideas communicated with friends with whom he always will be, as they are now Arthur C Clarke and John Weeler. Its Travel Partners in Time Eternal Cosmic.

Juvenal Gordon

[Juvenal Gordon]

LA CONEXION COSMICA.
Cuando Carl nos ha transmitido el don de la magia y el encanto por la ciencia, el universo y la humanidad. Ha dejado en nosotros el legado a continuar por siempre con nuestros niños,estudiantes y adultos que se maravillan con la existencia de sus ideas transmitidas, con amigos con quien siempre estara, como lo son ahora Arthur C Clarke y John Weeler. Sus Compañeros de Viaje Cosmico en en Tiempo Eterno.

Juvenal Gordon

[Superwoman]

Sounds like you had a fantastic father, that also happened to be a fantastic person and a fantastic teacher... I mentioned him in my blog not so long ago, I can assure that half of my mates at University were there because of Carl Sagan. Thanks for sharing him with us!
Un supersaludo

[Romano]

One day in 1984, I was about 17 years old, I came back home from school and my mother told me that there is a very good documentation about natural science in tv. It was the first part of "Cosmos". This is the way I knew your father Carl, who changed my life projects. Until that day I was sure to study languages at the university, but after High School I changed to biology and I have never regretted my decision. Today I'm a biology teacher, I love my job, and Carl's books and films are the best way for many of my students and for myself to discover and enjoy our beautiful world and to think about life, people and science without pregiudice. Thank you for all Carl! Ciao Romano from Italy

[BiilYBonnYU]

As it seems to me, article actual for today. I wish the author of a blog to publish more than interesting articles! http://forsgo.com/map.html

[itpdude]

I was at a party this past weekend, having small talk, and I met someone that had a common interest in pop culture like me. It started with old tv shows from Nick at Night, some quotes from Dr. Strangelove, etc, etc. And then I mentioned, what is in my opinion, one of the finest books ever: Pale Blue Dot. We monopolized one another for the rest of the evening talking about your father and his ideas. Thank you for sharing these memories.

[Juvenal Gordon]

Commemoracion Hoy 20 Dic 2008.

Siempre , Tu padre estara presente con nosotros, no te olvidamos.

Carl You Are a Cosmic Human.

[Juvenal Gordon]

12º Homenaje a Tu Padre:

20 Dic 2008

http://jgb-hificosmos.blogspot.com/2008/12/12-conmemoracion-carl-sagan.html

[Ariel Teo]

Hello!
My name is Ariel Teo is very exciting to read the paragraphs above.

Since childhood I was interested in the science and your father is perhaps the person who approached me to it.

It is a great honor to write to my son being so wonderful that he left his imprint all humanity.

I have read most of its publications translated into Spanish and have never ceased to amaze me and teach me things I never thought.

I am sending you a big greeting from Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Thanks for your story count.

///
Hola!
Mi nombre es Ariel Teo y es sumamente emocionante leer los párrafos superiores.

Desde pequeño me interesó la ciencia y tu padre es quizás las persona que más me acercó a ella.
Es un gran honor para mi escribirle al hijo de aquel ser tan maravilloso que dejó su impronta a toda la humanidad.

He leído la mayoría de sus publicaciones traducidas al idioma español y no han dejado de sorprenderme y enseñarme cosas que jamás creí.

Te envío un gran saludo desde Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Gracias por contar tu historia.

[Colie Brice]

I've had the good fortune to "meet" your wife online. I had emailed the Carl Sagan web site to express my gratitude for the COSMOS series being available online and that I was enjoying it with my 7 year old son Elijah.

In any case, thank you for sharing your warm memories and insights about your father.

Also, best of luck to you with your own considerable talents and endeavours.

[LUIZ FELIPE]

thanks carl sagan across of you i coud show the life with other oyes
i canded remake my friend with my brother
thank you carl sagan

[GoRla]

Too bad you couldn't be as smart as your dad. Why would you write Novels while you father was a super genius scientist? Why didn't you peruse science?